Trying


Im Trying…
A tear stained heart left however broken
could not match the whole sum of my soul 
filled full of total empty space
Im trying
but lost love is held captive somewhere
and I’m determined to find this disgraced arithmetic
that makes me up
cradled between certain uncertainties
countless desires, needs unmet
wants never set
a bastard child with feelings of neglect
so I try
to field the void filled with equal pieces of you
act out thoughts of fantasies 
thats less than or equaling a sum greater than you
yet I fear that its you that my dreams speak
missing in action
reality holding on for a  sublime glimpse
seeking hints or reflections of you 
in me 
I am her son shadowing undefined
unidentified face 
nothing to do with you
so I try
to find me defined in my best image
to erase traces of your mistakes 
because now I’ve grown and the need of you
has been replaced with needing me
I’ve explored these soup kitchens closed doors and all
trying to grow
trying to find my mold in this melting pot
stirred with missing parts
Im trying
not to build myself from the remnants of
what I have been through
her smile
his stature
our views
experiences
I have learned to use everything  I could
disguising chamelionizing
But right now I must dedicate this piece
to the journey of finding
me
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