Trying

Im Trying…

A tear stained heart left however broken

could not match the whole sum of my soul 

filled full of total empty space

Im trying

but lost love is held captive somewhere

and I’m determined to find this disgraced arithmetic

that makes me up

cradled between certain uncertainties

countless desires, needs unmet

wants never set

a bastard child with feelings of neglect

so I try

to field the void filled with equal pieces of you

act out thoughts of fantasies 

thats less than or equaling a sum greater than you

yet I fear that its you that my dreams speak

missing in action

reality holding on for a  sublime glimpse

seeking hints or reflections of you 

in me 

I am her son shadowing undefined

unidentified face 

nothing to do with you

so I try

to find me defined in my best image

to erase traces of your mistakes 

because now I’ve grown and the need of you

has been replaced with needing me

I’ve explored these soup kitchens closed doors and all

trying to grow

trying to find my mold in this melting pot

stirred with missing parts

Im trying

not to build myself from the remnants of

what I have been through

her smile

his stature

our views

experiences

I have learned to use everything  I could

disguising chamelionizing

But right now I must dedicate this piece

to the journey of finding

me